Chester
by The Kilt Gals
Summary: Malfoy turns Harry into a cat! And a very cute one, at that! Because he was so scrawny and skinny, He was adopted by kindhearted Ginny. He usually passed Ginny over by a glance, But because of the catness it turned into romance. COMPLETE
1. Curse that Draco!

Disclaimer: Neither of us own anything about Harry, but we DO own the cat that inspired this fic. Although we wish we could own Draco.

---------------------------------------------------

Harry Potter was excited about his final year at Hogwarts. He knew that after this, he would never have to be in the care of his horrible Aunt and Uncle again. Not to mention, he got Head Boy.

He was about to get on the train, when he walked into his greatest, most evil foe, Draco Malfoy. Malfoy sought revenge.

"Greetings, Potter," he sneered.

Harry was ill at ease. Draco pushed him to a remote corner that, for no apparent reason, no one was occupying.

Before Harry could do anything (not that he would know what to do) Draco pulled out his wand and, with a multicolored flash, Harry was transformed into a cat.

Harry tried to ask Draco why, but all Draco and the random passing people heard was a squeaky meow.

Draco laughed evilly. "Remember that time I got turned into a ferret? Well this is my revenge! Ha ha ha!" he cackled.

"Draco!" yelled his father, "come here! Now, boy!"

Draco went obediently to his father and was immediately beaten over the head with his father's ugly, heavy walking stick.

Harry left his robes and his glasses in the alleyway because he had no way of carrying them. He was glad that he did not need glasses as a cat. He was a nice looking thin cat, with sleek black fur and bright green eyes.

"What am I to do now?" Harry mewed to himself.

Suddenly, he heard the train whistle sound, so he jumped on the train at the last minute, hoping he'd find a way to turn back.


	2. Is this your cat?

Chapter 2

            Ron and Hermione were worried.  Actually, Hermione was worried; Ron was watching a fly circle his head.

            "Ron, do you have idea where Harry is?" she asked worriedly.

            "Nope," Ron replied, still watching the fly.

            A Ravenclaw named Terry Boot burst into their compartment excitedly.  "There's a pile of robes on the ground and some glasses with the Head Boy badge attached!" he exclaimed and ran over to the next compartment to tell them, too.

            Hermione was shocked.  Ron was still watching the fly.

            "What was Harry doing running around in the nude?" Neville asked, since he was sharing a compartment with the two of them.  Luna Lovegood carefully folded her latest copy of _The Quibbler_ and went to fetch Harry's robes.

            "If you ask me," Ginny said, "there's no good place to go skinny dipping around here, so I don't know why he bothered."

            Little did they know, Harry was very close by.  He was actually right under Ginny's seat and had quite forgotten his predicament of being a cat and was busily admiring the view of under her skirts.

            Crookshanks, sensing another male cat around, leapt off Hermione's lap and became very territorial, beginning to spray things, like Ron's ankles.  Ron just watched the fly.  He had always smelled a little funny, anyway.

            "Crookshanks!" Hermione gasped, grabbing her cat around the middle.  "What has gotten into you?"

            Crookshanks hissed at Ginny's legs and Harry bolted out from under the seat.  Unfortunately, his escape route was cut off, because the compartment door was shut.

            "Aww!  How cute!" exclaimed Ginny, grabbing Harry around the middle.  "I wonder who he belongs to?"

            "What do you think I am, a pet?" Harry hissed.  But all anybody else heard was a hiss.

            "You should go around the compartments to see who he belongs to," Luna said, walking in with Harry's abandoned clothes.

            "Hey!  Those are mine!" yowled Harry.  He tried to reach out for Luna, but Ginny held him uncomfortably tight.  At any other time, Harry would have loved to be held in such a way by a girl when he was naked, but this was not the time… or the place.

            "Okay," Ginny replied and slid open the compartment door.

            She walked into the first compartment on the train.  It was filled with Slytherins.  Among them were Draco Malfoy and his cronies, accompanied by Pansy Parkinson and _her_ cronies.

            Ginny was disgusted, but asked the lot of them anyway.  "Is this your cat?"

            Draco eyed the cat a moment then burst out into laughter.  Unable to think by themselves, so did the rest of the compartment.  Ginny thought they were laughing at her, so she stuck her nose in the air and marched off.  Harry had never been so embarrassed in his life.

            So Ginny wandered into the next compartment.  This one was filled with Ravenclaws, quietly reading to themselves.

            "Is this your cat?" Ginny asked, holding Harry up by the armpits.  Harry did not like being held this way.  He yowled.

            The Ravenclaws politely shook their heads and continued with their reading.  So Ginny went to the next compartment, which was filled with Hufflepuffs.

            "Is this your cat?" she inquired, holding Harry in that uncomfortable way, again.  He yowled again.

            "No," one of the Hufflepuffs replied.  The rest shook their heads.

            "But he is rather adorable!" one of the girls squealed, patting Harry on the head.  Harry hissed at the girl.

            "Poor thing," murmured the girl.

            "I am not a thing!" Harry meowed.  "I am a human being!"

            So Ginny went into the next compartment.  This one was filled with Gryffindors.

            "Is this your cat?" she asked her fellow classmates.

            The Gryffindors were playing Exploding Snap.  As she asked them whether Harry was their cat or not, the whole deck of cards exploded in their faces.

            "Nope," one of the boys replied.  "Cats are sissy animals, anyway."

            Harry growled and tried to scratch the boy's face, but Ginny pulled him away.  Then she went into the next compartment.  And the next.  And the next.  Until finally, there were no more compartments left to check.  Then Ginny went back to their own compartment with a very harassed Harry.

            "Any luck?" Neville inquired.

            "No," Ginny replied, shaking her head.

            "You should keep him," Hermione replied.  "He and Crookshanks can be good friends!"

            Crookshanks growled at Harry.  Ron watched the fly.

            "I'll call him Chester!" Ginny exclaimed, squeezing Harry so that he thought his guts would come out of his mouth, vowing someday to kill Malfoy.


	3. Where is the Head Boy?

Thank you for the reviews: someonelse, milky war bar, HarrySlytherinson, Teen Prodigy of Ravenclaw, and regi.

Gryphonmistress - no, thank-you, this story is supposed to be bad on purpose, so we won't be looking for a beta.

**Chapter 3: Where is the Head Boy?**

Ginny dragged a yowling, scratching Harry to the Great Hall. She sat excitedly and listened to a boring sorting; nothing new. The only interesting part was when the hat refused to go on the head of a rather evil and nasty looking boy named Greg Floyd. The teachers had no idea what to do with Greg, so they just set him to Hufflepuff. The other Hufflepuffs looked very fearful when Greg sat with them, looking quite amused. But most of the sorting was a mess of boring wasted time.

Just before the feast started, Headmaster Dumbledore got the bright idea that the exhausted and starving students wanted to listen to some bloody speech before they could eat.

"I would like to introduce this year's Head Boy." He sounded very old, as though he was about to kick the bucket. Then he looked around, but found that there was no Harry! Or, at least, no Harry as far as he could tell.

"Where is the Head Boy?" he solicited.

"HARRY POTTER IS GONE, PROFESSOR!" yelled Terry Boot in an extremely loud voice that made the stars in the magical ceiling shake.

"Well, here's our Head Girl, then, Hermione Granger," replied Dumbledore. Then he pulled a raw onion out from under his beard, took a bite from it and didn't dwell on Harry again.

Hermione stood up and beamed. A few people clapped, a few more people booed. Ron just watched the fly. Hermione began to launch into a speech, but was cut off by Dumbledore, who said, "Let's eat." He got a roaring round of applause.

Ginny ate her dinner and gave some bits of potato from her plate to Harry, who was on her lap (and liking it).

"No, give me ham! I want the ham!" Harry meowed, looking at the large ham on the table.

"Does Chester want some cabbage?" Ginny cooed, stuffing bits of cabbage into Harry'' mouth. Harry had hated cabbage ever since those days that he had been left with crazy old Mrs. Figg. Harry scratched Ginny's hand in reply.

"Bad kitty!" exclaimed Ginny.

Harry yowled.

Ginny spent the rest of the feast talking with her friend Sha, another sixth year Gryffindor.

"Oh, what a cute kitten!" cried Sha excitedly.

"I'm going to keep him, since I can't find his owner," Ginny explained and Sha pulled Harry's tail. "His name's Chester!"

Ginny and Sha ignored Harry for the rest of the feast and instead talked about girl things. This bored Harry.

He leapt off Ginny's lap and onto the table, creeping behind platters and bowls. He did not notice Crookshanks following him.

Big, fat Crookshanks leapt onto skinny, little Harry and into a platter of pineapple, which splattered onto the walls. Harry jumped up at once and began to race away, jumping over bowls of fruit and onto plates of bread. Crookshanks lumbered after him, knocking over several pitchers of juice and a large slab of meat.

During this pandemonium, Ginny ran as fast as she could to try catching Harry. Hermione just sat there whining about how her cat would ruin her name and get her expelled and then she'd never get to be the best Head Girl that Hogwarts had ever seen.

Harry skidded down the table, right into Ron, who was watching the fly, knocking Ron into Neville. Neville dropped his toad, which hopped off and landed on the plate of some sissy first year boy, who ran off crying.

Harry scrambled and jumped onto the Ravenclaw table, upsetting several cages of owls. The owls flew around in the mess and began swooping down to pick up food and drop it again on the heads of the students.

Crookshanks was gaining on Harry, who ran under the Hufflepuff table. He and Crookshanks dodged under feet and between legs. Crookshanks was about to leap on Harry, so Harry, at the last second, ducked, causing the ginger cat to go soaring into the tablecloth. He got tangled up in it and it pulled down, knocking all of the good at the Hufflepuff table onto the floor.

Harry felt safe momentarily, but Greg Floyd, who put a hex on Harry that made him soar through the air, almost immediately picked him up. He landed in a pot of soup at the Slytherin table.

Draco fished Harry out by the tail and smiled evilly as he raised his wand.

"Drop my cat!" screamed Ginny. Harry wriggled free and jumped into the safety of Ginny's arms. "How dare you!"

Malfoy hid behind his cronies. Harry smirked, very pleased with himself.

Ginny carried Harry away from the nasty Slytherin table and began to lecture him. "Bad, Chester! You have to behave in school!"

Then she locked Harry in her dorm and returned to the feast.


	4. Nasty Mrs Norris!

Thanks for reviewing: milky war bar, THE VAMPIRE IN THE SHADOWS.

**Chapter 4: Nasty Mrs. Norris!**

Harry wasn't very happy about being locked in the dormitory while everyone else was eating and talking and laughing. He tried to get out and away from the hellhole he'd been locked in by scratching at the door. By the time he'd made two-inch deep claw marks in the door, it burst open and was suddenly occupied by four sixteen-year-old girls, all giggling and gossiping. None of them noticed the door.

Ginny scooped Harry up into her arms and plopped him onto her four-poster as Sha, Heather and Casey began to change. Harry liked that. Ginny watched him watching the girls change and playfully scolded him.

"Chester, you dirty kitty, you. What a sick mind you have!"

Harry purred. Ginny scratched him behind the ears and changed, too. Harry liked that even better and watched delightedly.

Ginny swatted him on the head for watching and climbed into bed with him. He liked that even more.

He didn't like it, however, when Ginny wrapped her arms around him so tightly that he was squished. He also didn't like it when Heather began to snore.

As soon as the chance came, he broke free of Ginny's tight grasp and managed to somehow get his kitty paws to open the door. Once free from the room, he scampered down the stairs and into the Common Room, which he found to be deserted.

He took the opportunity to push open the Portrait Hole with his head, much to the surprise and anger of the Fat Lady. From there, he made his way toward the Kitchens, where he supposed he could get something to eat.

That was before he met Mrs. Norris.

Filch's faithful feline was roaming the corridors during the night and prowling the premises. She turned her yellow eyes on all that was out of the normal, nocturnal activity without mercy.

It just so happened that Mrs. Norris was patrolling the part of the castle that Harry needed to go by to get to the kitchens.

Upon seeing her, Harry's first instinct was to run. But then he remembered that he was a cat and decided to stroll right by. So he did stroll by. Mrs. Norris inspected him carefully. Then she walked up to him and started to sniff him in places that he did not enjoy being sniffed in.

He hissed and scampered away. But Mrs. Norris followed.

Harry made a desperate leap for the Kitchens door and managed to grab the pear a few times. Figuring this was good enough for a tickle, the door opened and Harry bounded inside, shutting it after him.


	5. Bad Harry! Stay away from catnip!

Harry sniffed around the kitchen looking for something to eat.  He snuck into the cabinet where they kept all the cans, and found some tuna (which he had an odd craven for ever since he was turned into a cat) but realized he couldn't work the can opener with paws.   Harry swore loudly.

"what is this?" asked a squeaky voice.

"dobby!" mewed Harry who was surprised to see the house elf that was obsessed with him.

"oh a kitty!" cried dobby, he was carrying the leftover meat pie, and he dropped it at seeing the cat under his feet.

Harry immediately begun to eat the pie not caring that it had been on the floor, house elves keep their kitchens so clean anyway.

"you must be hungry master cat!" then he scurried off to get the other house elves who enjoyed serving cats not because they were cute, but because they like being servants, to anything.

Harry finished the meat pie and was licking the floor clean when a hoard of house elves came all carrying trays of different types of fish, or bowels of milk and cream.   Harry purred even though he was going to loose the skinny cat outlook.

After a great deal of feasting Harry was full.  He laid in a bowl of milk and purred contently.

"thank you my good house elves, that will be all," he rumbled happily.

"master cat dobby has brought you a surprised!"  the little guy squeaked, he pulled out a small round  ball from his tea cozy and threw it at Harry.

"what was the meaning of that-" Harry had begun to yowl, then he sniffed it, it smelled good.  Harry felt good.  Very good.

Harry sniffed again, and again.  He got a very happy sensation, like he was floating on air.  He purred.

"wee!!! What ever that was elf dude, thanks for chucking it at my head,"  Harry meowed.

The house elves were happy that Harry was pleased.  Harry was very happy.

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! Oh so pretty and gay!" Harry begun to sing, though you would probably chuck an old boot at him at this point.

Harry begun to sniff the little ball more and stare at all the pretty colors swirling around him.

"it's all cool, I'm calm, oh yeah," he meowed.

The house elves had went back to work, but Harry didn't care.  At this point Harry didn't have a care in the world.  Harry was very happy.

He watched all the shiny lights on the wall pleasantly.  Then his adoring fans floated to him. 

"I must sing for them" he thought to himself.

"you are sixteen going on seventeen," he began to sing.  His yowling sick cat cries bothered the ever pleasant house elves.  Even dobby agreed to kick him out. 

Harry scratched at the door and yowled.  He wasn't offended that they kicked him out, he was just horrified that the separated him from his little ball of wonders.

Finally Harry gave up and went to Ginny's dorm.  It took a very long time, since he couldn't walk in a strait line.

When Harry woke up the next morning, he not only felt uncomfortably full, but like he got based in the head with a load of bricks several times.

"Chester boy what's wrong!" Ginny asked in the annoying baby talk voice that Harry deeply hated.

Then she sniffed Harry, "bad Chester you got yourself into catnip didn't you!"


	6. Moldy Voldie!

_**Chapter 6: Moldy Voldie!**_

"This is an outrage!" Voldemort whined.

"What is an outrage?" asked Voldemort's non-faithful-rat-that-we-all-hate, Peter Pettigrew.

"Bring Lucius to me at once, Pettigrew!" Voldie snapped. "Or suffer my wrath!"

Little Peter jumped to his feet, his fat jiggling as he ran to fetch the famous ex-Slytherin.

As soon as he found Lucius, he groveled at his feet and twitched as was his custom, but eventually persuaded him to accompany him to see the Dark Lord.

"Yes, master?" Lucius said as he entered the room with a low bow to Voldie.

"Lucius!" the Dark Lord whined in a high-pitched voice that was most annoying. It made Pettigrew cover his ears in annoyance. "Your son RUINED my plan!"

"Ruined-?" Lucius began, but Voldie interrupted him.

"HE TURNED HARRY POTTER INTO A CAT!" screamed the Dark Lord, pouting.

Lucius blinked a few times. "But… if harry Potter is a cat, won't it make him easier to kill, my lord?"

"NO!" Voldie protested. "It won't be dramatic! I was supposed to kill him in a big, dramatic, epic battle!"

"I will speak to Draco, my lord," Lucius said with another bow. No one got between the Dark Lord and his drama. He would have to speak to Draco about this grave matter.

----------------------

Sorry for the short chapter, everyone!

Thanks for reviewing: THE VAMPIRE IN THE SHADOWS, milky war bar, Kimmy, Darcy16, BeBopALula and ChorltonNI.

Saturn's Candlesticks - blame Nassandra!

harry's4menotu - I like that song!


	7. Fleas!

"bye Chester! I'm off to my classes!" yelled Ginny on the first day of classes. Harry moaned, Ginny had many classes. She wanted to be a healer.  
Harry did many things after the dormitories cleared. He first walked around the room. Then he took turns of laying on each of the girls beds. Then he scratched at a large poster of Legolas that one of the girls owned, because it was staring at him. After which he took a nap. As you ca n tell Harry had a very productive day.  
At lunch Harry took a break and scampered around the castle after Ginny returned. He stole lunch from a few unsuspecting people and then he did several things he always wanted to do but never got the chance, like swearing at Snape. Then he came upon a few shady characters in a dark corner, Slytherins.  
"I am in so much bloody trouble!" Malfoy complained holding a letter from his father.  
"why?" asked Goyle stupidly.  
"because Crabbe, the dark lord's mad at me you bloody idiot!" Malfoy yelled.  
"why is he mad at you?" Crabbe asked even more stupidly.  
"because Goyle I turned potter into a cat!" Malfoy yelled even more louder.  
Harry grinned and was very pleased with himself, even though it was Malfoy's own fault he was in this mess.  
Harry snuck up behind Malfoy and meowed loudly.  
Malfoy turned around and looked very angry.  
"why do you always have to ruin my life? You're the one that the dark lord always talks about! For what? You never shined his shoes. You never made him dinner. You never gave him a good rub down! You never cleaned up after his temper tantrums, and you never had to feed your precious pet to his snake! Why?" Malfoy cried.  
This made Harry wish he had a camera, and know how to work it with paws. Instead he jumped on Malfoy's head.  
"get off my head!" Malfoy yelled.  
"turn me back into a human!" Harry meowed.  
"never!" Malfoy screeched even though he couldn't really understand Harry cat noises.  
Harry leaped off and simply walked away with his tail strait up in the air walking like he had a stick up his ass.  
"you know what!" yelled Malfoy, "I don't care about what the dark lord does to me, I'll never turn you back! Curse you! Now my beautiful silky blonde hairyou're your nasty fleas!" 


	8. Voldie at Hogwarts!

Thank you everyone for your reviews!

Chapter 8: Voldie at Hogwarts!

Harry was very tired after his exhausting day and decided to go take a nap in the Gryffindor Common Room. No sooner had he entered through the Portrait Hole with several second years, Ginny had rushed over and scooped him up in her arms.

She walked over with him (he was in a very uncomfortable position) and sat with her friends, doing her homework. He sat on her lap. Harry liked this; he purred.

Ginny scratched him behind the ears and he purred even more loudly. She put her book down and petted him. He purred even louder; he liked it when Ginny did this.

She picked up her book again and Harry meowed at her to continue petting him.

She sighed and put her book down before McGonagall came rushing in, her hat askew.

"Everyone!" she exclaimed, looking flustered and pale at the same time (if such a thing is possible). "Quick, to your Dormitories! Lock your doors and hide under the beds. Quickly!"

"Why?" asked a sissy first year boy.

"Because I'm afraid he-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is in the castle!" McGonagall screamed. "Now get to your Dormitories!"

"That won't be necessary, Minerva," said a snake-like voice from behind the Professor. Smoke filled the room, but it wasn't thick enough to hide the Fog Machines from view. A few people screamed as the lights went out and the Dark Lord stepped into the room… and tripped over a footstool.

"You idiot," barked Voldemort. "Turn those lights back on, I can't see a thing!"

"Sorry," Peter Pettigrew squeaked. "Crabbe was chewing on the wires!"

"Tell Crabbe that I'm mad at him for ruining my entrance," retorted Voldemort.

Peter nodded, awe in his eyes: the Dark Lord really was quite evil. Professor McGonagall covered her hand over her mouth, looking as though she were about to scream. Several girls fainted.

Harry hissed at Voldemort and hopped off of Ginny's shaking lap. The Dark Lord didn't notice: he was too busy trying to untangle his black, swishing robes from the legs of the footstool.

Harry looked around. Wasn't anyone going to do something besides gape in horror at the Dark Lord's attempts to free himself from the footstool? Ron was… he was watching the fly, instead. Hermione was nowhere to be seen and Ginny was shaking in her seat, but staring fixedly at Voldemort.

Harry yowled at the Dark Lord. Voldemort looked down at Harry, recognition flickering in his bright red eyes that made him look like he'd been opening them underwater in a chlorine pool too many times.

"Aha! I have you now!" he screamed, lunging at Harry. Harry yowled and trotted back over to Ginny. In lunging, Voldie tripped and fell flat on his already-flat face.

Ginny scooped Harry up in her arms and held him tightly. Harry couldn't breathe.

"Give me that cat!" commanded Voldemort, still not untangled from the footstool.

"Why do you want Chester?" Ginny demanded. Harry yowled in her defense.

"Because I am a Dark Lord," Voldemort replied, deciding to discard the robes and the footstool at the same time. He took of the robes.

"Strip Party!" exclaimed Terry Boot.

Several guys from sixth-year yelled "woot" and took of their robes, too, swinging them over their heads.

"Go back to your own Common Room," someone yelled to Terry Boot, who was a Ravenclaw.

Voldie looked very angry. "Put your clothes on!"

"Why?" asked Colin Creevy, who was taking off a shoe.

"Because I am a Dark Lord," retorted Voldie. As Colin's sock came off, he fainted.

"Too much skin, Colin," said his little brother, Dennis. Colin shrugged and put his shoe back on.

Voldemort regained consciousness in mere seconds. "Give me the cat!"

"No!" Ginny screamed. "Chester is my cat and I wouldn't give him to you, you nasty, evil bully!"

Harry yowled and looked at Voldemort through his bright green eyes. Voldemort was fuming… it was as though he had PMS.

"Miss Weasley, give him the cat and he will go away," McGonagall said slowly. "You are endangering our lives keeping your cat."

Harry growled at McGonagall for saying this. So much for her being one of his favorite teachers! Well she wasn't getting her Christmas present of mouse on a stick from him, after all!

"Yes, listen to your teacher, little…" Voldemort trailed off as he took a hard look at Ginny. "Ginevra? Ginevra Weasley?"

Ginny nodded slowly, clutching Harry in her arms.

"It has been a long time since I met you, Ginevra," he said coolly. "Since you were a first-year, I believe… and a diary…"

"I know your secret, Tom Riddle!" Ginny shouted.

Voldemort laughed sinisterly. "Everyone knows my true name, little weasel, you have nothing on me!"

"True," Ginny admitted. "But I know what you did in your third year at Hogwarts! Or have you forgotten that little tidbit of information?"

Voldemort's eyes narrowed, "You wouldn't dare…"

"But I would," Ginny replied, narrowing her eyes as well, just to add effect.

There was an intake of breath from the Gryffindors and Terry Boot, who still hadn't gone back to his own Common Room and left them all alone yet.

"Leave, or I'll tell," Ginny threatened.

"Curses!" Voldemort said, stamping his foot. "You may have beaten me this time, stupid cat, with your precious owner! But I will catch you and hang you by your tail!"

And Voldemort was gone, but the Death Eaters forgot to take the Fog Machines back with them. McGonagall turned them off. Everyone looked at Ginny admiringly.

"What was his secret?" they all wanted to know.

Ginny grinned triumphantly. "In third year, he had a crush on his student teacher – Professor McGonagall!"


	9. Nightmares!

Thanks for the reviews: milky way bar, gaul1, DallasTexas, Kimmy.

**_Chapter 9_**

Harry sat amidst great boredom during his seventh year potions class as he combined deadly poisonous ingredients, which instantly exploded and blew up his third cauldron of the week, some students and yet another desk.  
  
"Harry Potter!" sizzled poor, tired Snape, who bore an uncanny resemblance to Michael Jackson, "Why do you think you have the right to blow up my classroom every time you enter it?"  
  
"Because I'm bored," Harry replied as he used the corner of Snape's robes to wipe his glasses. That nasty Harry thought he was special.  
  
"So is everybody else here!" roared Snape, who, as a rule, tried to keep everyone as bored as possible, which he was definitely doing, since everyone else was asleep, face first, in their cauldrons. "What makes you so special?" he yelled, spitting in Harry's face.  
  
"Well I'm me aren't I?" Harry laughed cockily; a very boastful boy indeed… "Besides, I can do this!" Harry turned Snape upside-down and somehow made it permanent so Snape was left with his robes hanging above his freakishly pale face.  
  
"That's it!" grimaced poor Snape as the whole stared at his nasty unmentionables, "You're going to Dumbledore for this!"  
  
Dumbledore sat in his office eating chili: he had a new fetish for it and it was beginning to go to his brain. "Ah, spicy!" he yelled just as Snape walked in on his hands with his robes still at his head, "Oh, hello, Snape you know those are the same pants from last time, just thought you would like to know."  
  
"Oh, really? I haven't noticed… I came for a reason, it's the Potter boy!" he hollered, looking at Harry, who was examining his fingernails.  
  
"Potter? Who's this Potter?" asked Dumbledore. He had lost a lot of his memory in a freak snail accident over the summer. Then he remembered his favorite student, "Oh, yes! I have a memo for you! Some dark lard - herm, that doesn't seem right – oh, no, dark LORD. I couldn't read my own handwriting… yes some dark lord wants to see you. Right away: he said something about discussing a murder of some sort. I think."  
  
Harry hoped that Dumbledore's memory was failing him again… how could he read his fan mail if he was dead? Snape grinned.

"No! It can't be!" Harry cried.

"You're right: it can't be it must be for Snape!" yelled Dumbledore.

Snape stepped back. No, the dark lord should be after Harry, not him! That Potter jerk is ruining his life!

Then Snape woke up: it was just a dream. He remembered that Dumbledore was never in any freak snail accident, he'd already changed his unmentionables, and Harry was gone, and all was right with his world. Little did he know that Harry was also having a nightmare while sleeping in Ginny's arms…

He saw Ginny kissing Terry Boot under a great arch of flowers. She was wearing a long white dress. Her red hair had blue violets in it. She looked beautiful. But she was kissing Terry Boot!

"Hello, Chester!" she said when she saw Harry, "this is my new boyfriend, Terry Boot, isn't he great!" And they went back to snogging.

"Oh, how romantic," sighed Hermione, who was in-between the pages of a giant book.

Harry wanted to yell at Ron to do something, but all he could manage to do was meow. Ron was watching a fly, and then he turned into one.

"I told you crumple-horned snorkacks exist!" Luna yelled flying in on one.

Then Draco walked in and everybody cheered. Harry wanted to scratch his eyes out.

"Hello, Harry, your friends won't help you now!" Draco laughed.

Harry hissed.

"They all like me now," he explained evilly.

Harry hissed more.

"I was the one that set this lovely couple up," he laughed. The crowd of Harry's friends cheered and waved flags with Draco's face on them.

Harry hissed and jumped up to scratch Draco, but Draco captured him by the scruff of his neck and laughed.

"You know, Harry, I did this because I like to see you suffer, because at least your parents liked you, even though they're dead!" he explained, and then he threw him at Ginny's feet. Ginny was still snogging Terry Boot.

"In fact, I'm doing you a favor, so go ahead die of a broken heart, be with your loving parents again!" Draco laughed.

"Remember when I had that silly crush on Harry?" Ginny laughed.

Harry stared at her with big, green eyes.

"I'm glad he's gone… I like you now, he was a _LOSER!_" he laughed then Draco laughed, then they were all laughing. Harry woke up with a start.

He was glad at first, then he began to wonder bout the dream and he suddenly realized what he really knew for a long time… he had _feelings_ for Ginny!


	10. Terry Boot and Fang

Thank you for your reviews: Saturn's Candlesticks, milky way bar, Kimmy, gaul1, Luna Lovegood2, kyo, meagan, and Zayne.

Chapter 10: Terry Boot and Fang

Harry was very confused for hours after he'd woken up. After what seemed like forever, Ginny woke up and stretched, her red, Weasley hair tousled around her face.

Harry's heart did a flip. Ginny smiled at him and he purred, rubbing up against her legs as she stood.

"Good morning, Chester!" Ginny said, combing her hair and getting dressed. "I'm going to Hogsmeade today, I'm sorry you can't come."

Harry meowed.

"I was going to go with Sha, Heather and Casey but Terry Boot asked me to go with him."

"No!" Harry yowled. He meowed mournfully for several minutes.

"Oh hush, Chester," Ginny scolded. "Did you eat something bad? You didn't get into catnip again, did you?"

Harry wished he could have gotten into catnip; he had a headache like no other before.

"Anyway, I have to go, Chester, I'll see you later," Ginny told him, patting his head and closing the door.

"Never!" Harry yelped, trying to run after her. He hit his head on the door as it closed. Now his headache was even worse!

He decided to lay down and deal with his fate: Ginny would never notice him… she would date Terry Boot and there would never be a Ginny and Harry, just a Ginny and Terry. (A/N: That rhymes! LOL Sorry…)

As he rested his head on Ginny's pillow, he suddenly sat bolt upright. The window! The window was open!

He got up and trotted over to the window. It was open enough for him to squeeze through. He peered out. They were on the seventh floor.

He gulped and took a step onto the roof. This was easy! He was a cat, now: he had cat reflexes!

He padded along the roof and found a drop leading to the roof of the sixth floor. And a drop after that leading to the fifth floor. There were stairs just for him!

"This is far too easy," Harry meowed to himself. "There has to be a catch."

He dropped one floor to another until he was on the grounds. Then he found the catch in his plan.

Fang the boarhound barked loudly and bolted toward Harry with lightning speed! Harry looked behind him: a wall. He looked up: far too high to jump. He looked all around, but there was no way out! Fang came closer and closer and he froze, waiting…

And suddenly Fang was on top of him… _licking_ him to death as Hagrid chased after the friendly hound. Harry was very grateful, for he would now need to take a bath due to Fang drooling.


	11. Greg Floyd

**Sorry it's late!! Thanks for the reviews!**

Chapter 11: Greg Floyd

"Fang, ya bad doggie!" scolded Hagrid, grabbing Fang by the collar, "can't you see that's not Mrs. Norris!"

Fang woofed at Harry. Harry meowed in reply.

"Why, you're Miss Ginny's cat!" Hagrid bellowed, then sneezed. "Run along now, Chester! Find some nice kitty friends to play with and scratch Mrs. Norris for me!"

Harry was in no mood to find any kitties to play with. He instead went to the Prefects' Bathroom to clean himself up.

"No!" cried a Ravenclaw Prefect, "there's a cat in here!" So all the Prefects tossed him into the hall.

Harry tried to shake himself dry, but it didn't work. So he just sat in the hall and licked himself, feeling degraded.

"Hello, Harry," hissed an unfamiliar voice.

Harry turned around – it was that odd, evil, Hufflepuff: Greg Floyd.

"You know who I am?" Harry asked, not expecting a reply.

"Of course I do. I Dark Lord has told me," he laughed.

"Can you understand me?" Harry meowed in question.

"Yes, yes I can! I have luck with cats… at the Dark Lord's castle, they all call me the cat boy!" Greg Floyd cackled. Then he picked Harry up.

"What are you going to do with me?" Harry mewed piteously.

"Nothing. I like cats, and you are a very nice cat," Greg Floyd growled, stroking Harry's fur. Harry began to feel uncomfortable.

"Er… thanks."

"I do have advise," he smirked evilly. "Be very careful: the Dark Lord has gained a new, powerful ally."

"Who?" Harry demanded. "Fudge? Umbridge? Sweden?"

"No, more powerful: it rules the world," Greg Floyd cackled, dropping Harry to go torture some snails.

The Dark Lord has gotten stronger!" cried Terry Boot, racing in with Ginny behind him.

"We know that," scoffed a Prefect in a frilly bathrobe, exiting the bathroom.

"Yes, but now he has the power of the Internet! Now he has a website!" Terry screamed.


	12. Join Or Die

"No!" Harry yowled at this new bit of information. "Not the Internet!"

"Yes!" cackled Greg Floyd, reappearing from the floor above. "It is Harry yowled again, too unimaginative to think of another reaction.

"Yes!" cackled Greg Floyd.

"No!" yowled Harry.

"Yes!" cackled Greg Floyd.

"No!" yowled Harry.

"Yes!" cackled Greg Floyd.

"No!" yowled Harry.

"Stop it!" cried Terry Boot. "Come! Let us all go to his website!"

A crowd of Hogwarts students rushed over, as Terry Boot pulled his laptop out from Greg Floyd's pants.

"But electronic devices don't work at Hogwarts!" Hermione protested as she gave two second-year Ravenclaws detention, for breathing too loudly.

No one paid her any attention, though, because Terry Boot had just opened up the Internet, and everyone was watching Voldemort's home page open up. Except Ron. Ron was watching a fly buzz around his head.

"No! Don't do it!" cried Harry. Ginny scooped him up into her arms.

"Oh, Chester, don't worry! We won't turn into evil zombies and start hexing each other randomly!" she cooed, and tickled him under his chin.

All the students stared at the web page, (except Ron). Then they all turned into evil zombies and starting hexing each other randomly. They all fell over in dead faints, except for Ron (who was watching the fly), and Greg Floyd, who was now torturing snails (again).

"No!" Harry cried.

"Oh, think of something else to say!" Greg Floyd scoffed and closed before he left to so hang some first years by their hair in the dungeons.

Harry went slowly over to the laptop. He'd learned how to hack into websites before, because it's a skill every Boy Wonder had. Soon he had hacked into Voldemort's website. Instead of making the home page turn everyone into evil zombies and start hexing one another randomly, he decided to spread rumors about Voldemort, instead.

'Voldemort doesn't change his unmentionables,' he wrote, which was difficult with his cat paws.

'Voldemort likes pony rides.'

'Voldemort has a stuffed bear named Fluzzle.'

'Voldemort loves LUCIUS!'

Harry cackled evilly, which sounded very cute in his kitty meow. But there was no one to hear, because they were all knocked out cold from hexing one another randomly.


	13. Chester's Revenge

Voldemort giggled like a school girl as he went to check the stats on his new blog. But before he could reach his beloved computer, Lucius Malfoy greeted him with an strange amount of glee for a Death Eater.

"I knew it!" he cried his long blond hair flowing in the wind, "I always knew it! Oh Voldie dearest, I love you!"

Voldemort was filled with utter distaste, how could the creep ever get an idea like that into his platinum head? Lucius was much too girly looking for his liking; besides, he had no time for this – he had a website to run.

"Nagini, eat him!" he ordered.

"No!" Lucius cried, running away from Voldemort's beloved pet. "It said you loved me back on your webpage! It was too good to be true!"

Leaving his overly devoted follower to be snake food, Voldemort rushed to the Internet, and then he waited several minutes for the site to load. "Blasted Wormtail," he cursed. He blamed everything on Peter Pettigrew, even dial-up Internet. When he officially took over the world, Voldemort decided he would splurge and get high-speed, because he'd earned it.

After killing several Muggles, some Death Eaters, and a lawn gnome while he waited for his webpage to load, he finally saw the horrid slander.

"It burns us!" he hissed and then suffered a fatal coronary.

The Death Eaters began run around in circles, not knowing what to do now that their leader was dead. The only one who did anything constructive was Lucius, who managed to trick Nagini into eating his son instead of him.

"I must avenge my love!" he cried and destroyed the computer. It wasn't much of an act of heroics, since the Death Eaters had all been talking about it for ages: it was a Macintosh, and almost all of them had used it at one point in time, to go through tiresome converting spells because of the over-popularity of Dell and Bill Gates.

Harry, as usual, was oblivious. He had absolutely no idea that the Dark Lord was dead, despite that they shared a strange, mystical connection. He was much too busy trying to find a painting he hadn't scratched up yet, when he ran into Professor McGonagall. She was also in her cat form, which she used to sneak up on students who were snogging in the hallways.

"Do I know you?" she asked.

"It's me, Harry," he mewed, so grateful to finally find someone who could understand him.

"Oh, hello Harry. So that's where you were all year," she said and simply turned him back to normal and went about her way. Harry wished she could have given him some clothes.

He had just devised a plan to crawl on his belly until he reached his dormitory where hopefully he had some clothes, when Terry Boot began racing down the halls with his usual announcements.

"The Dark Lord's dead!" he shouted. "And Chester the cat is, was, and always will be Harry Potter! And I have a towel!"

"What! How?" Ginny cried, entering the hall along with the other principal characters of this fanfic. Terry Boot laughed and put the towel somewhere Harry couldn't possibly reach.

"Malfoy did it," Harry replied. It really explained it all.

"Where is Malfoy?" Neville wondered.

"Who cares?" Harry replied.

"So that's where you were Harry!" Hermione pondered, as she entered beside Ron, who was watching the fly, "Do you know you're naked?"

"Yes actually, I do" Harry muttered, "Luna please give me back my clothes."

"What clothes?" she replied with such honesty that nobody doubted she was telling the truth, even though she was wearing said clothes.

That reminded Ginny of something: "You saw _me_ naked!"

"Yes, I did," Harry paused to recapture the mental picture, "but that doesn't matter! Ginny, I love you!"

Ginny thought for a moment, and produced her answer from the fact that Harry had not only been her friend, but her cat, not to mention he was naked.

"Okay, I love you too!" and she handed him the towel, much to Neville's disappointment.

"But I thought you were with Terry Boot," Harry commented as he covered himself.

"Oh no," Ginny laughed, "He fancies Greg Floyd!"

"Besides," said Terry Boot, smiling, "I'm not really Terry Boot, I am _The_ _all-knowing_ _Sir Fishy Grimwold the 27th of Mulligatawny_ _Soup_ _Land_."

"Who the bloody blazes is that?" Harry muttered.

"Really, Harry," Hermione tisked, "Don't you remember the insignificant, but creepy man we had half a glimpse of in the beginning of book four?"

"Oh yeah." It all made sense to Harry now, "Then where's the real Terry Boot?"

"Maybe it's the fly?" Neville suggested.

At this suggestion the fly randomly transformed into Rodger Davies, who instantly began necking with Luna.

"I go with everyone," he explained.

"That reminds me," Harry said, and he and Ginny began some first-class smooching themselves, which is what the readers really wanted.

"Isn't it lovely Ron?" Hermione asked.

Without the fly to distract him Ron remembered that he had always been in love with Hermione, so he grabbed her and kissed her in a manner that would make Percy faint and the Wesley twins proud.

Harry was glad he was no longer a cat, and even though he continued to hack up hair balls for weeks afterwards, everyone was obscenely happy, except Neville who had no one to snog.

THE END. The fic is over. Go home and do something about that rash!


End file.
